I knew that going to Australia was going to be a long journey and I was quite prepared for the flight and the jet lag but nothing prepared me for LAX and the extreme day I had!
I flew out of Vancouver on Tuesday morning. I was quite anxious I guess the night before or something like that because I slept very very little. It could have been because I was in a hotel sharing a bed with my mom, or my computer flashing to remind me that it was left on, or maybe just the fact that I was about to go halfway around the world by myself and was pondering the fun and or scary things that were about to take place this year. Whatever the case, I hardly slept. I figured it didn’t really matter though because the more tired I was the easier it would be to sleep on the plane to Oz. So anyway we got up at around 5am on Tuesday morning, showered got ready and went to the airport. My mum and my sister waited nicely with me before I had to hit up customs and all that to fly to LA. I managed not to get all emotional and teary and only shed a few with my good byes and then hit the skies. West Jet is an amazing company, their flight attendants are quite fun and seem to enjoy their jobs. I was chipper and excited perhaps a little giddy! Well that is until I got to LAX. That is the SHITTIEST airport on the planet. It has to be! There’s no way that any other major airport can compare. It’s pathetic!!
I arrived at LAX and went into what looked like a New York subway station to pick up my luggage before heading off to find these wonderful lockers in which you could store your luggage for the afternoon and go out into the city and see the sights. (I was told this was possible and that there was even a shuttle to do so and since I had a ‘layover’ of 10 hours I figured this was perfect!) I walked up to the information desk and asked the ladies behind it about the shuttle and the lockers. The woman behind the desk looked at me like I was an idiot and said “Who are ‘they’?” as in who was the asshole that told you this was possible? Because guess what?! There’s no shuttle, there’re no lockers and you can’t check your baggage with the airline for 6 more hours. You’re trapped in LAX ALL DAY LONG. Muahhahhaha!!! Actually she was really friendly and told me that since 9/11 (effing terrorism!!) they didn’t keep lockers because they were afraid (of course they are) that someone would put a bomb in the locker and leave. Yeah because if I were going to bomb something I’d bomb the SHITTIEST airport ever! Not something cool or monumental like.... ANYWHERE else!! Needless to say the lady gave me a brochure for LA’s new state of the art transit system and told me I could lug my bag around LA or just sit on a bus and do a sort of sight seeing tour of the city or I could go to a hotel nearby and sleep (seemed like a good idea except that I was saving myself for the flight to prevent jet lag) or I could suck it up and go sit somewhere for the next 9 hours. F.M.L.
So I did a little wandering around and found that there’s no place in that airport to sit outside and enjoy the sunshine, or really sit at all. So I went to the ‘nice’ part of the airport which I have forgotten the name of as I’m trying to repress the memory but it’s the international terminal and I waited. For nine hours. Thank god for my adorable new laptop and the powers of streaming videos. I finally was able to get outta that godforsaken place and was in the skies on VAustralia flight where I had (for a brief and magical moment) an open seat next to me until a girl (although nice) sat her rotund bum in that seat with her equally rotund boyfriend next to her leaving me to curl into the corner and attempt to prevent jet lag. I actually didn’t sleep too badly all things considered being that it was an airplane, very little leg room, the sudden and violent leg twitching likely from lack of sleep etc. I would like to thank the makers of sleep eze for their magical drugs that gave me quite the trip when I polished off my free vodka soda with dinner after having two extra strengths to knock me out! I think that’s how some people kill themselves.... You mostly just feel like you’re floating and really drunk but there’s also a distinct panicky feeling where you just might fall asleep and not wake up! Don’t do it! It’s bad news! Anyway 14 hours later just before 6am Sydney time the captain comes on and tells us that Sydney is really foggy and we might have to fly to Melbourne I had a mini at that point trying to decide what the hell to do about the flight i had to catch to Gold Coast and Dave waiting for me in Gold Coast and the fact that I had no phone yet and how I really just wanted to get off the plane NOW....but we landed in Sydney and it was good. For a few more minutes anyway. I got through customs (after a brief quarantine- just lie on the customs sheet if you’ve been to a farm or near fresh water HELLO I’m CANADIAN!! It’s much easier!) I took the shuttle to the domestic terminal (Sydney airport is beautiful...in fact it’s the nicest airport on the planet I’ve decided mainly because it’s not LAX) and found out that my plane to Gold Coast would be delayed at least half an hour due to the same fog! GUH! Of course I learned this AFTER I went past the duty free, and past the fun shops and phone kiosks etc and was stuck in another boring departure terminal. This should be split into two I think...stay tuned!
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